I've just had a revelation. I've just been lying in bed listening to James Blunt 'You're beautiful' and the opening line is 'My life is brilliant' and I realised something. My life is brilliant. Okay, something really shit happened, but my life isn't shit. I have a fantastic family behind me. My lovely Dad who would do literally anything for me, my brother and sister who are just fantastic and my fabulous Nana and Grandad.
My Mum might have died when I was so young, 19 is a young age to lose a parent, but I am lucky to have ever had her. So many children have abusive parents who may be around for a long time but they are horrible. Other children haven't even got their parents. Think of children on continents such as Africa who aren't as lucky as us and have lost parents from such preventable causes such as malnutrition and AIDS.
There is so much pain and hurt in the world and yes what happened to mum was horrendous but there are much worse atrocities happening in the world with murder, dictatorships and wars going on. It is sad that Mum died and it shouldn't have happened but it did, and it was peaceful. She just went in her sleep. She wasn't frightened or in pain, and she wasn't murdered. We don't have to live on knowing that someone deliberately hurt her, because they didn't, she just died.
I've been to university- something so many people and especially women are deprived of in the world. I'm lucky. I will probably end up with a career I love. I also have the most fantastic friends. Friends who have been there for everything. Friends who take my shit when I say the wrong thing which I quite often do now (I don't have the ability to think before I speak since Mum died, I'm not sure why). Friends who stuck by me even when I struggled to socialise at the beginning. So many people don't have the amazing friends that I have.
In short, what I'm trying to say is, my life is actually fantastic. Yes it is sad at the minute but it won't always be. I won't always be consumed by memories of mum every second of the day and one day I'll be able to have fun again properly. Other things in my life are things I am so lucky to have and things that I am so grateful for and for those, I am happy.