Monday, 20 April 2015

I'm done

For the last 6, nearly 7 months, I have felt sorry for myself. And for that, I am royally embarrassed. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of moping around being upset all the time. I'm done. That's not to say I'm trying to forget about Mum and move on. But I seem to be spending far too much of my time doing nothing and being unproductive because of it all. I can't be like that anymore. I have a life to live and I really need to start living it.

I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in heaven (although I really really would love to). And I don't believe that I will ever see my Mum again. For that reason, I don't take comfort in the thought that I will see my Mum again; quite frankly if I thought that, then I'd probably have killed myself by now. And I get by purely through coming to terms with it having been the end. 

I'm not done writing about my 'journey' through grief. Because despite the fact I hate it, it is a huge part of my life and probably will be for some time. And there will be times where I feel utterly miserable and take to the blog to pour my heart out, as I so very often do. It serves as a bit of relief for me sometimes. There are some things that I just can't say out loud to the people around me (partly because I like to pretend that I'm the strong one) so it is nice for me to be able to just type it all out. 

But anyway, here I am, blabbering away again about nothing. Basically, I'm going to try and be less miserable and more productive......rrrriiigghht after I have this one quick nap!

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